Diaries of the Cardcaptors
by Mikayla Angeline
Summary: *2nd chapter up* Basically, Diaries and Journals of ppl from Cardcaptors. So far, only Meilin's and Syaoran's are up! Please r/r!
1. The Angst of Meilin

Diaries of the Cardcaptors

Diaries of the Cardcaptors

Disclaimer: All CCS characters belong to CLAMP. I own nothing but this idea of a fic. 

A/N: Technically, Meilin isn't a Cardcaptors but I'm putting her diary in anyway because it'll make this story interesting! These have no dates, they're kinda random in a way but they should be in order. Except about the cards. They screwed up big on the episode order here so it's kinda jumping around ^^;; sorry! And this is…S+M and S+S, okiez? You'll understand it later on. This kinda starts at when Li Syaoron leaves for Japan.

Dear Diary,

I have written in a diary for years but this is a new book. And this book will be different. I may not have magic but I can sense that things will change soon. Something will happen that will not work well in my honor. Something that I hope I am just imagining. But I have felt this kind of premonition before. Except that time, it had been something good for me. I am afraid that may leave me forever.

Meilin

Dear Diary,

I felt it today. I knew something was wrong. Syaoron walked into my room today and I knew it was then. He's going to leave. For Japan. I'm not too worried about him getting hurt. He is too good but something might take him away from me. I just know it.

Meilin

Dear Diary,

Syaoron started to pack today. He seemed so calm about it. So emotionless. Wasn't he going to miss me? Why wasn't he coming to comfort me and tell me he'll come back soon? Everytime I tried to talk to him, something would interrupt us and then we would not be able to carry on our conversations. He's leaving in a few days and still, he hasn't spoken to me. We're are engaged. We were meant to be. Why was he acting this way?

Meilin

Dear Diary, 

He left today. And all he did was hand me a letter and gave me a nod. Something's already changing him. He would have at least given me a hug before. I think I will read his letter now.

Meilin

Dear Diary,

He said he loved me! I know I shouldn't be so excited about it. I can still feel that shadow looming over our relationship. But he loved me! And if he truly loved me, we would last forever…right?

Meilin

Dear Diary,

It happened today. Syaoron and I had some kind of connection and it started to weaken. It was trying to take him away. I know. I must go and get him. It's the only way.

Meilin

Dear Diary,

I am now currently on a flight to Japan. They had granted my wish to go there, even though I felt that they hadn't believed a word I said. But I was the fiancée of the future clan leader. They would have to listen. Each day that goes by, my connection with Syaoron seems to weaken and I'm afraid it will break if I don't get there sooner. Why won't this plane go faster?

Meilin

Dear Diary,

I have arrived. Wei met me at the airport but I had not noticed Syaoron. Wei must have noticed my searching looks, he told me Syaoron was busy. But I knew he was with it. The one who will break our connection. I had to get rid of it. To save us.

Meilin

Dear Diary,

That it turned out to be a her. I knew she was luring Syaoron into some trap. Syaoron loved me, he couldn't have feelings for another. Syaoron had put up a lot of pride. I had tried to get back Syaoron's attentions but he had resisted. Why? He never did. All he could do was stare at her. What is wrong with him?

Meilin

Dear Diary,

She has Syaoron deeper and deeper into her trap. I don't care that she's a Cardcaptor. She may have magic and was a better gymnast but I was no match for her in fighting skill. I had tried to help Syaoron capture the card but somehow I felt like I was in his way. He was even starting to ignore me. What happened to the Li Syaoron I used to know?

Meilin

Dear Diary,

The love Syaoron had for me…is no more. Whatever that little Cardcaptor did on my Syaoron had worked. I was called back to Hong Kong and Syaoron wasn't even the slightest bit sad. He even said that I shouldn't have come. I was just in his way. Suddenly, she started being nice to me. She makes me suspicious.

Meilin

Dear Diary,

I could be wrong, but maybe, just maybe, Syaoron still feels something for me. I was the only one who could help him tonight and we defeated the card together. He even apologized for saying what he did. And that little Cardcaptor? She might not be so bad after all…

Meilin

Dear Diary,

I take back everything I say about our little Cardcaptor. She acted all high and mighty just because she could skate a little better than I did. She doesn't know anything yet. I signed up for skating lessons, along with Syaoron. 

Meilin

Dear Diary,

I've been rethinking what I've said and maybe she is what she seems to be. Syaoron is really the one who has fell for her. She didn't try anything. She never did. I have been so wrong about everything. It wasn't her fault. It was Syaoron's.

Meilin

Dear Diary,

My life is over. Syaoron does love that Cardcaptor! He admitted it himself. He even told me he was going to try to dissolve our engagement. He is sacrificing everything he had to be with his love. What did she have that I don't?

Meilin

Dear Diary,

It is final. They agreed to dissolve the engagement. Syaoron had run off to tell his little Ying Fa about the news. It's not fair! Syaoron was mine! 

Meilin

Dear Diary,

After my anger faded, depression took its toll. I thought I would be locked in the dark mist forever. But he came to get me. He saved me from myself. Something had changed inside me. This was different.

Meilin

Dear Diary,

He came for me again today. Only this time he didn't need to save me. I was already out of my shell. Thanks to him, I realize my feelings for Syaoron…was just a crush…

Meilin

Dear Diary,

After so much time spent in Japan, I am finally truly happy. I wish I could stay here forever. Just like Syaoron, I had found a reason for existence, a reason to stay and a reason to give up all I hold. I finally understand now. Love was truly something you could sacrifice everything on. I would give up my life, just for Tensoko.

Meilin

How'd you like that? Next chapter will be…Li Syaoron's Diary! And I finally own something! Tensoko is my character! Who hooo! Anyways, please r/r! For those of you who read Unsent Letters of Love, guess what? I'm making a sequel! Or a looooong continuation, okiez? Happy? Goodies! Thankies!

Kayla Takaida aka Hope's Faith 


	2. The Realizations of Syaoran

Diaries of the Cardcaptors – Li Edition

Diaries of the Cardcaptors – Li Edition 

Disclaimer: What? You didn't know I didn't own Cardcaptors? Are you serious? Really? Well, sorry to disappoint you but CLAMP does, well, they own the original one, stupid Nelvana screwed things up. O.k., I better stop or else you'll be getting a long lecture thing 'bout why Nelvana sucks, soooo, go read my story. Now! Please?

A/N: So who's been waiting for this chapter? Probably no one. *sigh* Well, if you read the first chapter, that was Meilin, now it's Li's turn! Or rather Syaoran. *sigh* Isn't he the most adorable bishounen ever? Okiez, I'll shut up now...S+S forever! 

Dear Diary, I mean JOURNAL (You know guys and their sensitivity on these kinda things.)

I just got this feeling…it's not like a premonition or anything, it's just there, trying to tell me something…maybe it is a premonition. I don't know. But ever since Mom walked in and told me that the Elders wanted to talk to me, this feeling came. Maybe I should talk to Meilin about it. Whoops, too late.

Syaoran

Dear Di…Journal,

Well, I guess that feeling I had was premonition. In a few days, I'm going to be leaving Hong Kong to go to Japan. Why? To do my duty to the Clan. To capture the Clow cards that have been released and bring them back. I'm going to miss Meilin. I hope she'll understand. I love her too much for her to suffer.

Syaoran

Dear Journal,

I just told Meilin. I can hear her crying already. Maybe I should have told her how I felt and how much I'll miss her…I was just trying to make it easier for both of us. It's not like I'm not going to be coming back…right?

Syaoran

Dear Journal,

I started packing today, Journal. In a way, I felt like I was taking away some part of me and putting it away in my suitcase. But then again, I felt so...empty. Like I was just moving through life without a soul. Just doing what I'm supposed to be doing but unknowingly. You know what I mean? (A.N: Confusing, ne?) Of course you don't know. You're just a book. What am I thinking?

Syaoran

Dear Journal,

I wrote Meilin a letter, telling her my feelings. I know I've been somewhat unemotional towards her these last couple of days. I know she'll be happy after reading my letter. She just has to be. I don't want to feel like I failed her.

Syaoran

Dear Journal,

I left today. It felt so awful. I just handed Meilin her letter and just left. Just like that. No hug, no nothing. Stupid Li Clan training. Controlling my emotions, what a bust!

Syaoran

Dear Journal,

I came all the way here to Japan to look for those darn Clow cards and what do I find? Some inexperienced girl who knows nothing! She's so stupid, so inexperienced, so…pretty. Oh man, what am I saying? This is just scaring me. I think I need to clear my mind…

Syaoran

Dear Journal,

Meilin came today. Here. To be with me. But she was acting all weird. I think it was because she's upset since I didn't go pick her up with Wei. But if she's angry at me, wouldn't she be ignoring me instead?

Syaoran

Dear Journal,

Meilin is really starting to get on my nerves. She's been hanging onto me and yelling at girls who so much as look at me. She's so possessive. It's not like she owns me or anything. I hope Meilin's comments didn't hurt Sakura.

Syaoran

Dear Journal,

I've been thinking…Did I ever really love Meilin at all? I mean, you don't want to yell at the one you love or feel as if you want to tell her to get lost, right? You would want to protect the one you love and watch out for her and want to be with her all the time, right? So does that mean I'm in love with Sakura? She is really pretty, out-going, cheerful, and I think she's just so adorable. Wait. Did I just say all that? I meant, oh, I don't know what I meant. Just forget I ever said that.

Syaoran

Dear Journal,

I don't know what came over me but after that confusing, yet somehow, enlightening entry I wrote in you, I took a walk. And I ended up at Sakura's house. I couldn't help myself, I just jumped up into the tree near her window and watched her sleep. She's just so beautiful. And, yes, adorable. I admit I think that. You should have seen her today. She's such a graceful skater. She didn't start out that way, but in the end… And did I ever tell you how cute she looks in her cheerleading outfit? Of course, I would never tell her that but that's not the point. 

Syaoran 

Dear Journal,

I've been thinking…and I've come to accept the fact that I never did love Meilin. I think I just wanted someone to love and someone who would love me back. Well, at least now I've covered the first part. I've found someone to love. But does she love me back? I guess it really doesn't matter. As long as I can be near her enough to protect her and now that she's safe and happy, I'll be fine…I hope…for now.

Syaoran

Watching you as you go through life,

Wondering if I can ever be the one standing beside you,

Lending my strength to you and you,

Lending your strength to me.

Wishing I could hold you in my embrace,

Looking deep into your eyes and searching your soul,

For that same feeling I have for you. 

Hoping one day my wish will come true,

I will be content just knowing you are my friend.

But one day, I know that won't be enough.

And until that day, 

I will be your friend, 

Being thankful that I'm able to just protect you,

And make you happy.

But when that day comes, 

I just don't know what I'll do.

Maybe by then,

My feelings will be returned.

All I can do now,

Is wish, hope and wait. 

Dear Journal,

What do you think of my poem? I never thought I was the kind to write like that but Sakura just inspires me so much. In fact, just thinking about her right now is inspiring me.

Syaoran

Your glossy brown hair moves with the wind,

Your jade green eyes twinkling as you look at me.

Every time you look at me so,

I feel just a little more hope,

Giving me a little more courage.

The courage to tell you just what I feel.

But then my mouth opens to spill you my secrets,

The words in my head seem to get stuck there,

Like someone is preventing them from reaching your ears.

As you look at me expectantly,

I can feel my cheeks grow warm,

Not just because I realize I have nothing to say,

But your intent gaze.

Green had always been my favorite colour.

And the green depths of your eyes,

Makes me wonder if it was because of you.

Then I remember,

Green had been my colour before I knew you.

Still, something makes me feel that I've known you forever.

And maybe somehow I knew you before I actually met you.

That would explain my fascination with your eyes,

The wonder as I look into the jaded green windows to your soul.

Dear Journal,

I decided today that it wouldn't be fair to Meilin. It just wouldn't be fair to her and myself to marry her if I was in love with another. I wanted to tell her today, but I felt too guilty. I had told her I had loved her, even though I hadn't. At that time, I really thought I did. But now I know better. But what's really making it hard for me to tell her is that I think she really does love me. Like the way I love Sakura. Speaking of Sakura (A.N: He changes the subject rather quickly.), did I ever tell you that she has the cutest expressions? Even when she's sad or angered. But when she's sad, her eyes fill with sorrow and I just can't help but feel sad too, knowing that something is upsetting her. *sigh* Sakura…

Syaoran

(Awww…how cute!)

Dear Journal,

Well, I finally told Meilin. I told her I was going to get our engagement dissolved. I'm not sure if I'll be able to but if it happens…I'll tell Sakura about how I feel. I just hope she'll feel the same way. I don't know what I would do if she rejected me…

Syaoran

Dear Journal,

I have the best news! My engagement with Meilin was dissolved! I would never have guessed the Elders would allow it but they did! When I first heard it from my mother, I almost dropped the phone. And then, I could hardly sit through a conversation with my mother. I just wanted to go and tell Sakura. When I hung up, I started feeling nervous. I was two steps out the door before I came back here, to write in you. So maybe I shouldn't celebrate just yet. I might need to sit through rejection.

Syaoran

Dear Journal,

I think I've died and gone to heaven. That would explain my head in the clouds. Right after I finished my last entry in you, I somehow mustered up courage to tell her! And can you believe what she said? She told me she loved me! Oh heck, I think I'm hyperventilating.

Syaoran

(A.N: Yes, I know, this is a bit OOC but heck, you try being in Syaoran's brain for so long. You'll go crazy too.)

The day I went to tell you how I felt,

It took me some time,

Before I could muster up the courage.

I stood there in front of you.

You waited expectantly,

Yet eagerly to hear what I had to say,

I opened my mouth and waited.

And this time,

The words came.

They spilled out over my tongue,

And when they ran out,

I waited.

I couldn't look into your eyes,

My head was down,

I was too nervous,

Afraid I would break down.

Then you said it.

Your voice like a melody of the nightingale.

You told me you loved me.

From then on, 

I was lost.

Lost in the world of dreams, hope and happiness.

Just because you said those three words.

I love you.

Awww….isn't this whole chapter cute? I threw in those poems because, doesn't Syaoran seem like that kinda guy? I think he's like that. Anyway, I'm really sorry about the last entry, it really didn't seem like him. I hope you liked this entry. Next person on the list, Sakura Kinomoto. Wonder what she has to say?

Mikayla Syaora Yakaishi Winner


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